I'd eat a sock right now.

This is the part when I start to suffer. This is what makes dieting an effort. I've had big babies- I know effort. Dieting is worse. At least with childbirth theres drugs and an end. Dieting is long term and hard work. It's a chronic case of the grumbellies. It's making food for your families and thenI sit down and eat a bowl of vegetation. I don't want shrubbery- I was barbecue pulled pork. I want CARBS! I had my lame brained moment at the grocery store the other day. I stood starring blankly at the cashier and it wasn't until he said, "Do you want to use those coupons and that bank card" that I finally snapped out of it and participated with the transaction. I want to wear a sign around my neck that says "low blood sugar" so if I'm found wandering in Hannaford's people will know what to do. Feed me! Black coffee is not a food group and a bowl of brussel sprouts does not fool me. It's rabbit food.

Yeah!! Another attempt at dieting!

This is getting old. I'm one day into this again. Again I'm starting another attempt at making this the year I lose the weight. Again. That's part of the frustration. It's nothing new. It doesn't feel new. Its the same old schtick. Today I didn't even bother to get on the scale. I know what I weighed yesterday and I'll take it from there. Ugh. It's the same old liquid diet guaranteed to cause weight loss if I can stick with it long enough. My sister is getting married in 2 months and I dont want to go to the wedding as fat as I am now. Nope I don't. Do I have any control over it? I dont know. I'm not one full day into this and already I was thinking how nice Chinese take out would be tonight for dinner...what was I thinking? I already forgot how to make it through one day? I'd really like to lose 30 lbs. Just 30. Is that too much to freaking ask for? Its a one day at a time kind of thing. Just let me get through today. Just one day. Today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Its like being an alcoholic and learning to be just a little tipsy. How does that happen? How do I learn to eat and not overindulge? One bad day undoes three good ones. So my stupid friggin goal is to have one good day. So far, so good.

Out of many, we are one.

President-elect Barack Obama took to the stage in Grant Park in Chicago in front of 2 million who came to see him speak. He was mesmerizing. He spoke of an America united and energized. He said our road was long. It might not happen in one year or one term but it will happen. What was seen next was unlike anything I anticipated. People all over the country spilled in to the streets and celebrated. Harlem was alive and celebrating, Washington DC had thousands of people celebrating in front of the White House chanting "Yes we can! Yes we can!" And despite what the ignorant opposition feared, there was no criminal element' no rioting, no police intervention. We were time-stamped last night as we had been in the past. We all remember where we were when 9/11 happened or when Kennedy was shot. Now we have been time stamped with hope. We will remember where we were when we first felt hope, shortly after 11pm on an early November evening. States that were traditionally red states were going blue. Voter turn out was greater than we've ever seen by more than 14 million votes. Young people mobilized and organized. First time voters were welcomed and congratulated. Record numbers of people stood in lines many hours long and no one complained. We wouldn't leave those lines without casting our vote. We all wanted to be part of change. And we were!!
We saw George W Bush who has been so divisive reach out to Barack Obama and say he would open the White House to him and his new staff. He would make this transition a smooth one. He wished him God's speed. If nothing more, that will be President Bush's legacy. He was gracious when it was most needed.
I woke my children up at 11pm to show them what their new world looked like. We cheered for a great man who transcended race and showed the world what a unique man of character he is. Their world looks different today. Our moral compass has a new true north. We have a new direction. This is the miracle of our time.

Obama

It's 6 days away and I watched Obama's 1/2 hour tv special tonight. He's a powerful presence and deserves the office he seeks. He embodies the messages I hold most dear. His hope for the future and belief that we are our brothers and sisters keeper is the cornerstone to my personal philosophy. What I will do is pray for him. He is a once in a generation leader.

Still holding on

It's been a month since my birthday and I've seen no other changes other than turning 40. I suppose that's not a bad thing. I could have gone a bender due to the big 4-0 and gained my weight. I could have gotten depressed and eaten my way through a bag of cheetos but I didn't. I'm going to do that diet one more time and give it a go. Let's see what I can do. I definitely don't want to go back to the doctor and prove him right. He's such a pain in the backside and I don't want to feed his opinion. Ray loses 8 lbs and he's congratulatory. I lose 15 lbs and he says we'll see if you can keep it up? WTF? I drop my cholesterol 30+ points- and he says nothing. Ray wont take his meds and he's supportive? I don't get it. Suspect it's a male female thing and he's somewhat biased. On the brighter side, I enjoyed Vegas more than I thought I would. We had a blast! I found a cute little cover up for my bathing suit and strutted all around the pool! Brave little 40 yr old that I am! Today I shopped for clothes and squeezed into a 14. I didn't buy it but I made it into the dress! I'm still a solid 16 but I remember the days of being a tight 24 so I relish my progress!

happy birthday

I wanted so badly to post today that I had lost the weight. I haven't. I won't get on the scale today. 40 is here and the weight loss is still in progress. Same old story. I keep hearing the words "Is this working for you?" running over and over in my mind. Of course it's not working. How do I eat and get thin? I have no idea.

What stress can do to my diet

It's almost a guaranteed that stress can sabotage almost any dieting efforts. That's what stress does best. It's takes your efforts and warps your mind into believing it's not worth it. It's been a challenge the last couple of days. Is my DH losing his job? Probably. Could there be any more of a worse time for it to happen? Probably not. Economy sucks, middle son going into braces, I have no FT job. Now is not the time for me to be self absorbed in a failing diet. At least that what I'd like to believe. What I'm actually telling myself is- try something different. Try not coming out of this crisis with 20 lbs packed on. Try keeping my chin up and mouth closed for once in my life. I can get through this. It's doesn't come under the three "in's" of crisis time- "inoperable, indicted, or incarcerated." Those are bad. This is unfortunate. Big difference. I can do this. I can do this. He can do this. We can do this.