Day one a success!

I made it through day one! Wahoooooo! What I've learned about dieting is it isn't about a week of dieting. It's not about losing 20 lbs at a time. It's one day. One meal at a time. Yesterday, 5/19/09 was a success! Can I string two great days together?

New diet!! The bitch is a size 4 with a boob job!!

Well if this wasn't enough to motivate me I don't know what will. Call it TNT for the stubborn dieter. My ex husband's wife had bypass surgery. She lost so much weight it angers me! I had WLS...but she had bypass and I had a band. I must remember that. What did she do now??? She had a tummy tuck and a boob job and SHES A SIZE 4!!!! AHHHHH!
Look you can put a dress on a gorilla but it's still a gorilla. I get that. On her best day she's still a ground- dwelling primate scratching her big butt with the rest of them . But damn...I want the size 4! So all last night I psyched myself up for today. I promised myself one more shot at the liquid thing. Take it off Sandi...you can do it. I woke up and made a huge blender full of chocolate drinks for the day and had one. I must admit in the blender it's much better. Let's see how long I can last.
WTF? A size four? Biotch!

Dieting during loss

With Ryan leaving for boot camp in a few weeks I'm overcome with grief and periods of sadness. Well-meaning people tell me it's good for him but all that serves to do is isolate me further and leave me feeling like I'm the only one mourning this. Times like this make me want to self soothe. Who wouldn't? I did for a while. It was too much stress trying to get ready for Amy's wedding and trying to get ready to say goodbye to Ryan. I gained lots of weight. Then I saw pictures of myself at the wedding and I realized what I had done. So once again, I'm trying. Once again, I've lost some- 6 of the ten I gained. Once again, I wish this wasn't my struggle. Am I making an issue out of a non issue? Loads of families have kids in the military. Why am I so heartbroken?

I'm terrified of food right now. I've been awake since 0700 and it's 0937 and I haven't eaten anything because if I haven't cheated yet it's a good day. I'm so afraid if I start to eat something it wont be right and then another day will be added to the failure column and I'll have to wait until "tomorrow" to try again. Weird huh?