Out of many, we are one.

President-elect Barack Obama took to the stage in Grant Park in Chicago in front of 2 million who came to see him speak. He was mesmerizing. He spoke of an America united and energized. He said our road was long. It might not happen in one year or one term but it will happen. What was seen next was unlike anything I anticipated. People all over the country spilled in to the streets and celebrated. Harlem was alive and celebrating, Washington DC had thousands of people celebrating in front of the White House chanting "Yes we can! Yes we can!" And despite what the ignorant opposition feared, there was no criminal element' no rioting, no police intervention. We were time-stamped last night as we had been in the past. We all remember where we were when 9/11 happened or when Kennedy was shot. Now we have been time stamped with hope. We will remember where we were when we first felt hope, shortly after 11pm on an early November evening. States that were traditionally red states were going blue. Voter turn out was greater than we've ever seen by more than 14 million votes. Young people mobilized and organized. First time voters were welcomed and congratulated. Record numbers of people stood in lines many hours long and no one complained. We wouldn't leave those lines without casting our vote. We all wanted to be part of change. And we were!!
We saw George W Bush who has been so divisive reach out to Barack Obama and say he would open the White House to him and his new staff. He would make this transition a smooth one. He wished him God's speed. If nothing more, that will be President Bush's legacy. He was gracious when it was most needed.
I woke my children up at 11pm to show them what their new world looked like. We cheered for a great man who transcended race and showed the world what a unique man of character he is. Their world looks different today. Our moral compass has a new true north. We have a new direction. This is the miracle of our time.

Obama

It's 6 days away and I watched Obama's 1/2 hour tv special tonight. He's a powerful presence and deserves the office he seeks. He embodies the messages I hold most dear. His hope for the future and belief that we are our brothers and sisters keeper is the cornerstone to my personal philosophy. What I will do is pray for him. He is a once in a generation leader.

Still holding on

It's been a month since my birthday and I've seen no other changes other than turning 40. I suppose that's not a bad thing. I could have gone a bender due to the big 4-0 and gained my weight. I could have gotten depressed and eaten my way through a bag of cheetos but I didn't. I'm going to do that diet one more time and give it a go. Let's see what I can do. I definitely don't want to go back to the doctor and prove him right. He's such a pain in the backside and I don't want to feed his opinion. Ray loses 8 lbs and he's congratulatory. I lose 15 lbs and he says we'll see if you can keep it up? WTF? I drop my cholesterol 30+ points- and he says nothing. Ray wont take his meds and he's supportive? I don't get it. Suspect it's a male female thing and he's somewhat biased. On the brighter side, I enjoyed Vegas more than I thought I would. We had a blast! I found a cute little cover up for my bathing suit and strutted all around the pool! Brave little 40 yr old that I am! Today I shopped for clothes and squeezed into a 14. I didn't buy it but I made it into the dress! I'm still a solid 16 but I remember the days of being a tight 24 so I relish my progress!

happy birthday

I wanted so badly to post today that I had lost the weight. I haven't. I won't get on the scale today. 40 is here and the weight loss is still in progress. Same old story. I keep hearing the words "Is this working for you?" running over and over in my mind. Of course it's not working. How do I eat and get thin? I have no idea.

What stress can do to my diet

It's almost a guaranteed that stress can sabotage almost any dieting efforts. That's what stress does best. It's takes your efforts and warps your mind into believing it's not worth it. It's been a challenge the last couple of days. Is my DH losing his job? Probably. Could there be any more of a worse time for it to happen? Probably not. Economy sucks, middle son going into braces, I have no FT job. Now is not the time for me to be self absorbed in a failing diet. At least that what I'd like to believe. What I'm actually telling myself is- try something different. Try not coming out of this crisis with 20 lbs packed on. Try keeping my chin up and mouth closed for once in my life. I can get through this. It's doesn't come under the three "in's" of crisis time- "inoperable, indicted, or incarcerated." Those are bad. This is unfortunate. Big difference. I can do this. I can do this. He can do this. We can do this.

Have I turned the corner?

Yesterday I was down to 209.5 What the hell happened? Have I turned the proverbial corner? My victory was short lived. Today I'm back up to 212. I don't know how the hell that happened. I eat shrimp for lunch and salad for dinner and I gain 2.5 lbs. I hate my metabolism. I really do. So today I ate an egg white omelet and we'll see what tomorrow looks like. I'll probably be back up to 216. Shoot me now.

9 days left

Today I'm still at 210.5. That's better than I thought I'd be when I stepped on the scale. I thought for sure I'd be 214 or more. Can you guess that I haven't been dieting? What can I do with 9 days left? Can I lose those last 10.5 lbs before I hit 40? I have no idea. I may have to be happy "enough." Maybe this is why 40 sucks. I went to the movies and justified the popcorn with the fiber speech I gave myself. Why do I sabotage my best efforts? I think that's one for the shrinks to figure out. I'm sitting here with a cold cup of coffee trying to jump start my metabolism. I always feel so run down a little caffeine jolt might be the way to go. I took my son Cam shopping yesterday and I bought a pair of shorts. I didn't want to- I've been avoiding buying clothes because I'm dieting. Why buy something you won't fit into in another month? I gave in and did it. Almost admitting defeat. I have a pair of pants I bought two months ago that I can't wear because they swim on me. It's a nice feeling, don't get me wrong. But it feels terrible that that is a $40 waste. Ugh- I hate the inner struggle.

fighting an uphill battle

So the week of the 7th I went to scout camp. For the whole week. Can't do the liquid shake thing there. I suppose instead of a sandwich I could have eaten a salad all five days but I like my salad for dinner. So by the end of the week I had gained 4 lbs. That means I've spent last week losing those 4 lbs. This yo-yo crap is for the birds! Now I'm back down to 15 lb weight loss. That puts me at 210.5 I'm 10.5 from first goal and I have two weeks in July left. The stress in mounting around here and all I want to do it eat to appease the chaos. I don't want to screw this goal up. I saw a pic of myself the other day and I looked like a moose. I shudder thinking what I must have looked like at 267. OMG.

oh what the hell...

I've lost 15 lbs. Yahoo. I'm bummed because I ate at a party for the 4th and lost weight. How'd that happen? I don't get it. Days I eat nothing but salad and gain...I eat a hotdog and salad and I lose. Go figure. Well it's gone. Who cares. 10.5 more to go and I'm at goal #1. I'm close. Jeez that food was tasty! Hard to go back to dieting! I'm fatiguing with dieting. It's been a long few weeks!

July 1- back on track

I've been totally stalled in my weight loss attempts. I'm not sure what happened but it took some time to figure out how to do this. I didn't cheat. I went out to eat and ordered salads and dressing on the side. Lo fat dressing to boot! I just havent been losing weight. It's been frustrating. Plateaus suck. So today I weigh 212 lbs. That's 13.5 lbs down. That means I have 12 more to go to goal!! I can do this, I CAN do this. I started yoga this week. That's harder than just plain stretching. I'd like to feel like I'm getting some sort of exercise. I found a delicious coffee treat from Weight Watchers called a Late Popsicle. OMG- totally addictive. I'd eat them even if I wasnt on a diet! My darling husband said to me that he noticed I had lost weight. He is unable to lie or fabricate a story to make me feel good. He just cant do it. So when he said it - I knew it showed! Life is good.

Doing the happy dance!

So I was determined to not plateau or gain again. I did it. I lost some weight but it's debatable how well I did. I weighed myself twice. Once when I woke up and once when I woke up an hour later. Both were different. The first one was 214 and the second one was 214.5. How do I gain a half of a pound in one hour of sleeping? I don't get it. But I waited for a couple of hours and I was 214.5. That's 11 lbs down. Doing the happy dance! I already got my exercise in this morning when I chased down the garbage truck to the neighbors screaming "Wait Mr Garbage Truck Man, come back!" Yes, my son forgot to take it out and I was left to pursue them on foot. I think he drove away seeing how far I'd run....without a bra no less! He let me go for about 400 feet before he stopped and smiled and came back for the garbage. How embarrassing!

9.5 lbs. Ugh.

So my invincibility has vanished. Thinking I can snack on chips because overall I eat practically nothing has failed me. I gained half a pound this morning. Imagine my dismay seeing what some tasty chips did to my progress. I don't think they tasted that good to gain the weight. When they brought them to the table at the restaurant my friend Ellen said, "We should have told them we didn't want them." Stupid me thought they couldn't do much harm. So today, I'm hardcore. Shakes and salads. I'm NOT seeing an increase or worse yet a PLATEAU tomorrow! Forty is fast approaching and I have a goal to meet. I need, Need, NEED 16 lbs off by 8/3! There's just no way around it. It won't be tolerated not to make my goal. I'm serious about it again and tomorrow will be better.

Ten Pounds!!

So today is Monday and I stepped on the scale to see my first double digit weight loss! Wahooo! 10lbs gone! Not too shabby at all for a week's worth of effort. I got a kiss and a "way to go" from the husband. I can't wait to see what next Monday's total will be. Not too anxious am I? Nothing like living in the moment. I'm learning to live with the hunger. It's getting better. I cheat occasionally with a potato chip or nachos today at lunch- that was a good cheat! But I am most proud of my will power when it came to staying away from the banana cream pie I got for the family. That was unbelievably delicious looking and I resisted! ((Giving myself the pat on the back)) I haven't had any ice cream in this past week- that's going to be what will kill me. It's right up there with mashed potatoes and creamed spinach on eggs Florentine. But I'll be better for it when I'm a size 10.

First weekend on the diet.

Down 7.5 lbs! I'm thrilled! This couldn't be working better for me!! I worked today and brought all my shakes and such. All I was able to eat was an Atkins bar. I came home today a bit hungry but managed to survive. I'll figure this out as I go along. It's not the hardest thing I've ever done that's for sure. I like the fact that it's the same thing day after day. No counting or weighing or measuring. Just mindless dieting. You gotta love that. I can do anything to get to goal. I was making dinner again tonight and chowed on some chips and dips that the boys were eating. 6 or 7 chips doesn't break my diet either. I did it, I got it out of my system and I'm back on track. I'll be interested to see what the numbers are tomorrow.

I'm convinced this is just a slow death

Well, I made it to Friday. No surprise I've cheated. I made a great dinner for the family last night ( dinner is still my Achilles heal ) . The homemade mashed potatoes called to me. "Sandi...we're you're favorite morsel on the planet! Warm, buttery and oh so smooth!" Yup, I caved. What's a mouthful here and a nibble there? That's the calories that kill me! Those are the ones that aren't counted and don't matter. I can't let that sabotage my efforts. I'm down 6.5 lbs this week- not shabby at all. Overall, I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I can't let those voices tell me to pitch the whole thing and eat with abandon. No, I'll stick with this, no matter how rough. I'll reach my goal by 8/3. I can do this. This won't kill me, especially now that I've found those Atkins bars that taste just like Snickers! There are 14 carbs and 140 calories of pure Heaven! Can I skip all my shakes and just eat these 5 X day? I think I like that diet better!! Now if I could only have a beer...

Day 3 . No mayonnaise.

My weight is down 4.5 lbs. I'm heading in the right direction but I wanted it all off by now. I mean seriously, isn't 3 days of dieting long enough? I wanted this over by the weekend so I could eat meat on the grill and macaroni salad. Let me think about this again. Meat....yum...macaroni salad...dear god is it possible to have an out of body experience over food? I'm pathetic! While I cook for my family I salivate wondering how it tastes. I was making a rare roast beef sandwich for one of my sons and a blob of luscious mayonnaise landed on the cutting board. I grabbed it and lunged for the sink immediately running water over it so I could avoid the inevitable dog-like lapping of the board. Given my obsession with mayo it came as no surprise when I received the message from Kraft. They noticed their east coast sales had dramatically slumped over the last four days and wanted to know if I was o.k.? No, I'm not o.k. I'm dieting. I'm no longer eating crispy french fries that I lovingly dip in mayo. There are no sandwiches, no burgers, no hot dogs with mayo....nothing. Nothing but shakes and salads. I'm dying here.

My diet is underway

I started yet another diet two days ago. I think this makes 6, 953,023 diets I've participated in voluntarily or otherwise since being in the second grade. No lie, I was in Weight Watchers in the second grade. My well-meaning mother stuck me in a group of overweight women learning how to love cottage cheese and tab sodas. We had lots of things to talk about, me and the middle aged women. I was a pudgy nine year old topping the scales at about 100 lbs. Now that I have kids of my own I get the anxiety that must have caused my slim parents. I don't know what happened to me to cause this. My parents are thin and well as my younger brother and sister. I'm the odd man out.
So two days ago I got fed up- big time. I've had it. I'm starring down the barrel at forty years old. It happens in two months. I'll hit the big 4-0. I won't be 200 lbs at 40. No way, no how. I've been toying with the idea of a medi-fast type diet. For whatever reason when I tried to access the medi-fast website to buy a case load of their stuff I couldn't check out. No medi-fast. So two days ago, while shopping at a local mall, I decided to go into a GNC and see what they have. Lo and behold they have an MRP ( meal replacement plan) which I bought without hesitation.
For the last two days I've been mixing shakes and gulping them down and wondering what I'm doing? Is this something I can sustain myself on? To tell the truth, I don't know the answer to that. All I know is that I'm trying. I like this diet better than the cabbage soup diet and Atkins.
Nothing compares with the cabbage soup diet. That was awful! Talk about cabbage side effects!
So now, here I am, 39 and 10 months old, mother of three boys trying this diet thing again. I'm happily married to a great guy who calls me "sexy." I have lots to be thankful for and one nagging thing I want to change. My weight. Stick with me for the ups and downs and lets see where this one takes me.