Learning what it takes to move on

It was so tough yesterday. I sat with him at MEPS for hours watching him "hurry up and wait" only to go to the airport and wait with him for his plane. He left me at 5pm on United flight 659. As I just sat wiping away tears I noticed my beloved son was becoming anxious and something struck. It was a feeling like I wasn't doing my job as a mother. If I was going to be there with him - it was my job to do my best decreasing his stress. I went in to auto pilot. I stroked his arm telling him about how he thrives when challenged. He loves to be the comeback kid. "Look at how well you did in prison release school"- a joke more than a real place. He lifted his head and stared at me. "Yeah, I did, didn't I?" Yes you did. You've had huge challenges and thrived in them! I sat and told him I was so proud of him. I told him no matter the outcome-whatever his decision was I was here for him. He could always come home. He seemed so tired and instead of staying with him to the last possible second I asked him what time he wanted me to leave so he could rest. It wasn't about me, it was about him. We decided if I left him at three he could sleep for an hour or so and get on the plane and go to boot camp. That's what we did. I hugged him and told him I loved him and whispered "awesome possum" in his ear. He turned and waved to me
at the security check point. I have that picture. He reminded me of something he learned in wrestling. "Pain is weakness leaving the body." It's been swirling around in my brain since he said it yesterday. I must be getting stronger today.