Day one a success!

I made it through day one! Wahoooooo! What I've learned about dieting is it isn't about a week of dieting. It's not about losing 20 lbs at a time. It's one day. One meal at a time. Yesterday, 5/19/09 was a success! Can I string two great days together?

New diet!! The bitch is a size 4 with a boob job!!

Well if this wasn't enough to motivate me I don't know what will. Call it TNT for the stubborn dieter. My ex husband's wife had bypass surgery. She lost so much weight it angers me! I had WLS...but she had bypass and I had a band. I must remember that. What did she do now??? She had a tummy tuck and a boob job and SHES A SIZE 4!!!! AHHHHH!
Look you can put a dress on a gorilla but it's still a gorilla. I get that. On her best day she's still a ground- dwelling primate scratching her big butt with the rest of them . But damn...I want the size 4! So all last night I psyched myself up for today. I promised myself one more shot at the liquid thing. Take it off Sandi...you can do it. I woke up and made a huge blender full of chocolate drinks for the day and had one. I must admit in the blender it's much better. Let's see how long I can last.
WTF? A size four? Biotch!

Dieting during loss

With Ryan leaving for boot camp in a few weeks I'm overcome with grief and periods of sadness. Well-meaning people tell me it's good for him but all that serves to do is isolate me further and leave me feeling like I'm the only one mourning this. Times like this make me want to self soothe. Who wouldn't? I did for a while. It was too much stress trying to get ready for Amy's wedding and trying to get ready to say goodbye to Ryan. I gained lots of weight. Then I saw pictures of myself at the wedding and I realized what I had done. So once again, I'm trying. Once again, I've lost some- 6 of the ten I gained. Once again, I wish this wasn't my struggle. Am I making an issue out of a non issue? Loads of families have kids in the military. Why am I so heartbroken?

I'm terrified of food right now. I've been awake since 0700 and it's 0937 and I haven't eaten anything because if I haven't cheated yet it's a good day. I'm so afraid if I start to eat something it wont be right and then another day will be added to the failure column and I'll have to wait until "tomorrow" to try again. Weird huh?

this f*cking diet sucks!!!!

Have I cheated? NO! Did I want to cheat yesterday but put the Hershey's chocolate bar back??? YES!!! I figured I didn't need the extra 210 calories. SO tell me why the hell- after eating nothing but freaking rabbit food- did I GAIN a pound and a half yesterday????!!!!!!!!!! I'm CURSED!!!! I have been so good this week. All I've had are salads and a once daily Lean Cuisine. AND I GAINED WEIGHT!!!!!!!! Overall this week I lost but yesterday I gained. WTF???? And someone somewhere will wonder why fat people get frustrated with dieting and quit. Jackasses! Numbnuts!!! I'm starving and haven't cheated and I gained freaking weight! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
No real soda intake and only one glass of wine this week. Oh dear god. The lightheadedness and the hunger are enough to sabotage this but then to gain? Why bother?!

Ultra dieting.

Three weeks til the wedding. Diet is in overdrive. Ok, diet started yesterday and is in panic mode. This is what I do. Now I'm in ultra dieting mode which means there no room for any extra calories. Then I'll splurge on vacation and it will be hard to get back on track. Patterns suck.

I'd eat a sock right now.

This is the part when I start to suffer. This is what makes dieting an effort. I've had big babies- I know effort. Dieting is worse. At least with childbirth theres drugs and an end. Dieting is long term and hard work. It's a chronic case of the grumbellies. It's making food for your families and thenI sit down and eat a bowl of vegetation. I don't want shrubbery- I was barbecue pulled pork. I want CARBS! I had my lame brained moment at the grocery store the other day. I stood starring blankly at the cashier and it wasn't until he said, "Do you want to use those coupons and that bank card" that I finally snapped out of it and participated with the transaction. I want to wear a sign around my neck that says "low blood sugar" so if I'm found wandering in Hannaford's people will know what to do. Feed me! Black coffee is not a food group and a bowl of brussel sprouts does not fool me. It's rabbit food.

Yeah!! Another attempt at dieting!

This is getting old. I'm one day into this again. Again I'm starting another attempt at making this the year I lose the weight. Again. That's part of the frustration. It's nothing new. It doesn't feel new. Its the same old schtick. Today I didn't even bother to get on the scale. I know what I weighed yesterday and I'll take it from there. Ugh. It's the same old liquid diet guaranteed to cause weight loss if I can stick with it long enough. My sister is getting married in 2 months and I dont want to go to the wedding as fat as I am now. Nope I don't. Do I have any control over it? I dont know. I'm not one full day into this and already I was thinking how nice Chinese take out would be tonight for dinner...what was I thinking? I already forgot how to make it through one day? I'd really like to lose 30 lbs. Just 30. Is that too much to freaking ask for? Its a one day at a time kind of thing. Just let me get through today. Just one day. Today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. Its like being an alcoholic and learning to be just a little tipsy. How does that happen? How do I learn to eat and not overindulge? One bad day undoes three good ones. So my stupid friggin goal is to have one good day. So far, so good.