happy birthday

I wanted so badly to post today that I had lost the weight. I haven't. I won't get on the scale today. 40 is here and the weight loss is still in progress. Same old story. I keep hearing the words "Is this working for you?" running over and over in my mind. Of course it's not working. How do I eat and get thin? I have no idea.

What stress can do to my diet

It's almost a guaranteed that stress can sabotage almost any dieting efforts. That's what stress does best. It's takes your efforts and warps your mind into believing it's not worth it. It's been a challenge the last couple of days. Is my DH losing his job? Probably. Could there be any more of a worse time for it to happen? Probably not. Economy sucks, middle son going into braces, I have no FT job. Now is not the time for me to be self absorbed in a failing diet. At least that what I'd like to believe. What I'm actually telling myself is- try something different. Try not coming out of this crisis with 20 lbs packed on. Try keeping my chin up and mouth closed for once in my life. I can get through this. It's doesn't come under the three "in's" of crisis time- "inoperable, indicted, or incarcerated." Those are bad. This is unfortunate. Big difference. I can do this. I can do this. He can do this. We can do this.

Have I turned the corner?

Yesterday I was down to 209.5 What the hell happened? Have I turned the proverbial corner? My victory was short lived. Today I'm back up to 212. I don't know how the hell that happened. I eat shrimp for lunch and salad for dinner and I gain 2.5 lbs. I hate my metabolism. I really do. So today I ate an egg white omelet and we'll see what tomorrow looks like. I'll probably be back up to 216. Shoot me now.

9 days left

Today I'm still at 210.5. That's better than I thought I'd be when I stepped on the scale. I thought for sure I'd be 214 or more. Can you guess that I haven't been dieting? What can I do with 9 days left? Can I lose those last 10.5 lbs before I hit 40? I have no idea. I may have to be happy "enough." Maybe this is why 40 sucks. I went to the movies and justified the popcorn with the fiber speech I gave myself. Why do I sabotage my best efforts? I think that's one for the shrinks to figure out. I'm sitting here with a cold cup of coffee trying to jump start my metabolism. I always feel so run down a little caffeine jolt might be the way to go. I took my son Cam shopping yesterday and I bought a pair of shorts. I didn't want to- I've been avoiding buying clothes because I'm dieting. Why buy something you won't fit into in another month? I gave in and did it. Almost admitting defeat. I have a pair of pants I bought two months ago that I can't wear because they swim on me. It's a nice feeling, don't get me wrong. But it feels terrible that that is a $40 waste. Ugh- I hate the inner struggle.

fighting an uphill battle

So the week of the 7th I went to scout camp. For the whole week. Can't do the liquid shake thing there. I suppose instead of a sandwich I could have eaten a salad all five days but I like my salad for dinner. So by the end of the week I had gained 4 lbs. That means I've spent last week losing those 4 lbs. This yo-yo crap is for the birds! Now I'm back down to 15 lb weight loss. That puts me at 210.5 I'm 10.5 from first goal and I have two weeks in July left. The stress in mounting around here and all I want to do it eat to appease the chaos. I don't want to screw this goal up. I saw a pic of myself the other day and I looked like a moose. I shudder thinking what I must have looked like at 267. OMG.

oh what the hell...

I've lost 15 lbs. Yahoo. I'm bummed because I ate at a party for the 4th and lost weight. How'd that happen? I don't get it. Days I eat nothing but salad and gain...I eat a hotdog and salad and I lose. Go figure. Well it's gone. Who cares. 10.5 more to go and I'm at goal #1. I'm close. Jeez that food was tasty! Hard to go back to dieting! I'm fatiguing with dieting. It's been a long few weeks!

July 1- back on track

I've been totally stalled in my weight loss attempts. I'm not sure what happened but it took some time to figure out how to do this. I didn't cheat. I went out to eat and ordered salads and dressing on the side. Lo fat dressing to boot! I just havent been losing weight. It's been frustrating. Plateaus suck. So today I weigh 212 lbs. That's 13.5 lbs down. That means I have 12 more to go to goal!! I can do this, I CAN do this. I started yoga this week. That's harder than just plain stretching. I'd like to feel like I'm getting some sort of exercise. I found a delicious coffee treat from Weight Watchers called a Late Popsicle. OMG- totally addictive. I'd eat them even if I wasnt on a diet! My darling husband said to me that he noticed I had lost weight. He is unable to lie or fabricate a story to make me feel good. He just cant do it. So when he said it - I knew it showed! Life is good.