Obama

It's 6 days away and I watched Obama's 1/2 hour tv special tonight. He's a powerful presence and deserves the office he seeks. He embodies the messages I hold most dear. His hope for the future and belief that we are our brothers and sisters keeper is the cornerstone to my personal philosophy. What I will do is pray for him. He is a once in a generation leader.

Still holding on

It's been a month since my birthday and I've seen no other changes other than turning 40. I suppose that's not a bad thing. I could have gone a bender due to the big 4-0 and gained my weight. I could have gotten depressed and eaten my way through a bag of cheetos but I didn't. I'm going to do that diet one more time and give it a go. Let's see what I can do. I definitely don't want to go back to the doctor and prove him right. He's such a pain in the backside and I don't want to feed his opinion. Ray loses 8 lbs and he's congratulatory. I lose 15 lbs and he says we'll see if you can keep it up? WTF? I drop my cholesterol 30+ points- and he says nothing. Ray wont take his meds and he's supportive? I don't get it. Suspect it's a male female thing and he's somewhat biased. On the brighter side, I enjoyed Vegas more than I thought I would. We had a blast! I found a cute little cover up for my bathing suit and strutted all around the pool! Brave little 40 yr old that I am! Today I shopped for clothes and squeezed into a 14. I didn't buy it but I made it into the dress! I'm still a solid 16 but I remember the days of being a tight 24 so I relish my progress!

happy birthday

I wanted so badly to post today that I had lost the weight. I haven't. I won't get on the scale today. 40 is here and the weight loss is still in progress. Same old story. I keep hearing the words "Is this working for you?" running over and over in my mind. Of course it's not working. How do I eat and get thin? I have no idea.

What stress can do to my diet

It's almost a guaranteed that stress can sabotage almost any dieting efforts. That's what stress does best. It's takes your efforts and warps your mind into believing it's not worth it. It's been a challenge the last couple of days. Is my DH losing his job? Probably. Could there be any more of a worse time for it to happen? Probably not. Economy sucks, middle son going into braces, I have no FT job. Now is not the time for me to be self absorbed in a failing diet. At least that what I'd like to believe. What I'm actually telling myself is- try something different. Try not coming out of this crisis with 20 lbs packed on. Try keeping my chin up and mouth closed for once in my life. I can get through this. It's doesn't come under the three "in's" of crisis time- "inoperable, indicted, or incarcerated." Those are bad. This is unfortunate. Big difference. I can do this. I can do this. He can do this. We can do this.

Have I turned the corner?

Yesterday I was down to 209.5 What the hell happened? Have I turned the proverbial corner? My victory was short lived. Today I'm back up to 212. I don't know how the hell that happened. I eat shrimp for lunch and salad for dinner and I gain 2.5 lbs. I hate my metabolism. I really do. So today I ate an egg white omelet and we'll see what tomorrow looks like. I'll probably be back up to 216. Shoot me now.

9 days left

Today I'm still at 210.5. That's better than I thought I'd be when I stepped on the scale. I thought for sure I'd be 214 or more. Can you guess that I haven't been dieting? What can I do with 9 days left? Can I lose those last 10.5 lbs before I hit 40? I have no idea. I may have to be happy "enough." Maybe this is why 40 sucks. I went to the movies and justified the popcorn with the fiber speech I gave myself. Why do I sabotage my best efforts? I think that's one for the shrinks to figure out. I'm sitting here with a cold cup of coffee trying to jump start my metabolism. I always feel so run down a little caffeine jolt might be the way to go. I took my son Cam shopping yesterday and I bought a pair of shorts. I didn't want to- I've been avoiding buying clothes because I'm dieting. Why buy something you won't fit into in another month? I gave in and did it. Almost admitting defeat. I have a pair of pants I bought two months ago that I can't wear because they swim on me. It's a nice feeling, don't get me wrong. But it feels terrible that that is a $40 waste. Ugh- I hate the inner struggle.

fighting an uphill battle

So the week of the 7th I went to scout camp. For the whole week. Can't do the liquid shake thing there. I suppose instead of a sandwich I could have eaten a salad all five days but I like my salad for dinner. So by the end of the week I had gained 4 lbs. That means I've spent last week losing those 4 lbs. This yo-yo crap is for the birds! Now I'm back down to 15 lb weight loss. That puts me at 210.5 I'm 10.5 from first goal and I have two weeks in July left. The stress in mounting around here and all I want to do it eat to appease the chaos. I don't want to screw this goal up. I saw a pic of myself the other day and I looked like a moose. I shudder thinking what I must have looked like at 267. OMG.